My Very Own Utopia

You know what sucks? Realizing just how sad your life is at the start of the year. It's stupid and pointless, but when things just keep happening again and again ... I suppose there really is just a limit as to how much you can take it. Sleep doesn't help because I can't fall asleep and when I do, the problems just show themselves in my dreams. It's sad really. But I suppose whining and complaining about it wouldn't do anything. I dunno, I just thought things were different. 

I suppose this is the blog entry where I talk about 2009 and how everything has been really different from all the other years, but I dunno it's weird but I don't really feel like talking about it in detail. I still will though, just, not as detailed as my older ones. Honestly  don't know why, but it's sort of been like this the entire year, or at least the most part of the year; I've been lazy to write. Lazy to write practically anything; essays, blogs, poems, stories and whatever else. I've also been pretty lazy to draw. It's weird isn't it? 2009 was strange too with all the suspensions that made everyone go on break mode quite a lot. There was swine flu, there was Ondoy, there were the regular storms, lots of breaks. Anyway so yes, there 2009 was basically a lazy year.

Because I'm bored and because my room was a total mess last night, I decided to clean it up. I started out with my closet. I took out all the clothes that I don't use anymore and gave some to my bro and I placed another pile to give away to whoever. I just realized, I don't wear a lot of my clothes anymore, what else is that a lot of my clothes come from Xavier; Entrep shirts, FX shirts. I seriously need to get new shirts! (Who wants to go shopping with me soon? probably after Christmas ... when I have money again haha) I also cleaned out the bags and stuff, my ties are, well still the same, and now my suspenders aren't just placed on the shelf, they're hanging now :)) I found that I still had extra screws so yeah they're hanging on a circular ring on the cabinet door.

I realized a few things while cleaning out my room ...
- I keep a lot of junk
- I don't wear about half the clothes in my closet
- I need a new jacket
- I need a pair of decent shorts (I actually found one in Greenhills)
- I need new socks
- I need to be more organized
- You find your old favorite shirt buried at the bottom of the pile of shirts
- I've got a lot of cologne that I don't really use
- I need a wardrobe update! I need new clothes, probably a new style too.

Now I'm bored again, oh but! I found my photoshop CD in my closet ... I don't know how it got there, but I found it and I'm installing it right now! I'm happy.

Okay, so I finished my little Christmas project already. It took about 9 hours (including lunch and dinner) I'm relatively happy with it, it kind of reminds me of Into the Woods actually.

okay so the first picture is my door, basically the first or second area you see when you get up to the second floor

Next is the "BEWARE OF INMATES" sign. Notice the lock hanging on the right side, it's the lock to my cell. Here's the voodoo doll that I got yesterday from Maldita, it's hanging by a noose, just like Bobby, I named this one Cal, Hopeless (cause I'm not sure if it's a guy or a girl ... so an androgenic name and adjective probably works best) Cal has the key to the cell, and a Cal also has a pair of scissors which it used to cut itself, I plan to redo the blood on the arm so it looks more realistic, but for now, this will do. Cal also has a heart safety-pinned to its left chest.

The next picture shows the trees ... and what a mess my room is after I worked =))


Pretty much that's it. I'm kinda sad that I finished my Christmas project already ... so I'm back to doing nothing. I had fun today actually, about 9 hours of doing that and listening and singing Glee songs while working, it's fun. My room smells of paint, but not really. I want to work on my cabinets now, but I think I'll save that for some other time ... when I find stuff to put there. Actually I already have an idea, I'm going to put up poems, quotes, stories or whatever, but I'll just marker them in. I'm just not sure what to put.

I'll upload more pics that I took here in Multiply, cause Multiply works better for uploading pictures :)) hahaha!

My room is strange, creepy, whimsical, eccentric, odd, not conducive to work or studies, but it is a good place to feel at home, special, inspired, lost, relaxed, confused, it may not work well for work and studies, but it looks good, like you just fell in wonderland. I guess this is why I decided that I basically live in an asylum ... my room is just insane!

Today I was in SM, mum was buying last minute Christmas presents, and our Christmas outfits for the party in Binan and on our way out I saw this one store. This store had plastic covers hanging around the store and on it were white trees, tall silhouettes of trees. It looked so amazing that I got inspired to do the same thing in my room.

I recall not using up all the black paint from the last time I painted the ceiling, thank God I found it, and it's still pretty okay. I started drawing a couple of trees now because I just drank coffee in the Prestige and now I need to work cause caffeine+excitement+inspiration= I won't be able to sleep until I get some part of it done and out of my system.

Well this all started actually when we were in Maldita, apparently Diego, the store across it disappeared, now it's probably one of my new favorite stores. Well I love the name "Mental" their clothes are okay, strange, but that's why I love it. Anyway, so in Maldita, apparently we had like P500 free, some promo whatever. Mum couldn't find anything to spend it on, and I found this giant voodoo doll thing that costs P250 and a bunch of necklaces that cost P50 each, so yeah I just finished it on that. I got a vintage lock, a vintage key, a G-clef, a rocking horse, and a pair of scissors, which was originally brown, but I spray painted silver. So when I got home I hung up the lock on my door next to the sign that reads "Beware of Inmates", and I made a noose and hung the voodoo doll (which I think is a she, but I'm not sure) next to my door. I hung the key around its neck. I also plan to stick the scissors on the doll. The G-clef and the rocking horse are hanging above the "beware of inmates" sign. I want to make another sign that says "It takes a special kind of crazy to understand me"

Anyway, so I'm sort of glad Harveen moved his party to Tuesday, so now I have time to work on my forest. I'll take pictures of my room when I finish. Yay my new Christmas project!

Obviously I'm bored, I finished Glee already and I'm just waiting for Supernatural to finish downloading. So while waiting, I'm off to work on my room.

Last Wednesday we has our fire drill. Well everyone knows it sucks, but at least it kills some time off of some classes. Like we didn't really have Math last Wednesday because we had to repeat the fire drill twice cause some people weren't taking it seriously. Okay well I'm not complaining that we have a fire drill, I'm complaining about the fact that I got my first sunburn, or from what I can remember at least, my first sunburn not in the beach or in any other normal place you're expected to get a sunburn.

Last Friday while watching the plays of the other sections my neck started to itch like crazy, I thought that I was allergic to whatever it is I ate. But then again, I realized, I didn't eat anything the entire day; I was too busy working on our props. It was only when I went to the derma the next day that she asked me why do I have a sunburn.

Brilliant. I mean it's true we were barely under the sun for 10 minutes, but I guess its the longest I've been under the sun. Add the fact that there was not a cloud in the sky and it was about 8am already.

~~~~~

Anyway in other news, the Christmas break is coming up already, we practically have three days of regular classes left! I'm excited for the break! I can't wait to get back to doing nothing! Well, third Quarter was basically do nothing much quarter, but still there was some stuff to be done. Like right now I still have to write my English blog and research paper, prepare for the LTs in Science, Math and Filipino, while I also have to study for the 100 character quiz in Chinese on Wednesday. Thank God there isn't anything due tomorrow. But still, you know, I have to study, especially in Science I panic a little bit when it comes to circuits. Damn circuits!

Oh Strange, I haven't been talking about FX. (and Glee Club D: ) well yeah Tuko was great, the entire cast, Germy was awesome. Oh I have to write a review about this in Filipino, I think that's due on Thursday too. Okay well yeah, FX is great, we had dinner at Peri-Peri last Friday after the show, hung around Starbucks with Luis and Aris till like 1am while waiting for Luis' dad. I think I found my new favorite drink, Hazelnut Milk. Yes I know, but last Friday I didn't really want to drink coffee, so I asked for milk, P110, kind of a lot for milk, I guess, but I like it. :D

Glee Club, well ... hehe ... let's just put it this way. I am a major disappointment to both Phantom and Enzo, Phantom did mention many times "The club that he worked hard for" ... so yeah, I am a fail president. It's sad, but I suppose they acknowledge that I'm not the president anymore .... or much of a member because, well they don't tell me anything anymore and they don't give me parts in whatevers. So I suppose, I'm not that useful there, well aside from man-power/attendance, they've incorporated the faculty and grade school choir already ... so, what does that tell you. Ah well, the year's ending already, I'm a bit sad actually that I probably caused the death of the club ....

~~~~~

Anyway, Sean sent me my assignments for the lit folio already, when I read the first poem I think the creative juices are starting to work again, let's just hope I can actually draw now. I mean recently I've stopped doing and relatively caring about a lot of things that I used to love. Like drawing, singing, writing, reading, making props, making the bulletin board, living .... I hope inspiration comes and I hope I actually do work well.

I'm fine.
I'm sure.
It doesn't matter.
It doesn't bother me at all.
I'm sure.

You don't have to worry.
It's okay,
I don't mind being left alone.
To be honest I rather like it.
I'm fine that you left me here.
I'm fine that I wasn't asked to come along.
It doesn't matter at all.

Yes I'm sure.
No need for your sympathy.
Then again,
You see right through my apathy.
That is if you did notice.

Notice that I'm screaming for your attention
to be called,
to be noticed,
to be or not to be?

Since when did Shakespeare appear
Quoted lines from a poet most known,
For I have no thought of my own
Quoted lines from another,

My gloom-weathered friends,
the one thing I can count on;
I know you'll still be with me when I fall
but for times of joy,
there's nothing much at all,
but at least you'll be there with me when I fall.

I'm fine I guess,
I'm used to it I guess,
I'm not quite sure what this means,
but at least there's perfection in dreams.

Yes I'm sure.

Does it amuse you
To call my name
From the grave which you lay?
Does it amuse you
To call my name
When all the world's asleep?

Your song still swells
Of a beautiful melody
Of what used to be.
A beautiful memory
Of how we used to be.

I wait for you, did you know?
Each night by the window
But each morn,
I find your tea still sits untouched
I watch and wait for your silhouette
To pass the curtains once again.

You come and go as you please,
And never stay long enough
For me to see.
Just like the shadows of all the rest,
Your darkened soul still haunts my rest.

You torment me, My love,
You wail it through the Willows
For all to hear,
But all the world's asleep
And no one really cares.

Plague my dreams
if that is what you will,
Haunt my days
if you wish,
Just please say that you will.

Your voice still rings in my ears,
Your memory still stings my tears,
Your image burns in the darkness,
You've changed my world
And didn't even have to try.

I lay here each night
watching, waiting,
I wake each morning, mourning
To find you absent in the end
Your tea still sits untouched.

Cause Kim posted his write up ... I want to do the same thing ... so yeah

I copied some stuff from my Artswork write up ... so yeah :))

~~~~~~~~~~

What can I say about myself? To be honest I can say quite a lot, but then again talking on and on about myself may sound a little bit vain. Contrary to popular belief, I’m not vain all the time, just most of it; probably about 80% of it. Well anyways I do have to talk about myself, so here I go. 

You know what; there are probably a whole lot of things that could be said about me, things that would define me; such as the following: emo, clueless, weird, strange, random, impulsive, indecisive, optimistic, and pessimistic; a dreamer, a singer, an actor, a designer, a writer, a drawer (yes I have been called that before) a headache and a massive contradiction … but I suppose the best word that would sum me up, a word that encapsulates all of these other descriptions: Artist.

Why do I have so many words that could define me? Most are even sort of contradictory to each other. Well probably because I like expressing myself a lot; sometimes more than necessary. I suppose this is where the whole definition of an artist comes in.

What is an artist anyway? Is it someone who draws pictures, or sings, or acts; or maybe someone who just wants attention? To be honest, I think all these mentioned are outlets for the artist, except for the wanting attention bit, that’s a reason for doing things, but other than that an artist needs to express himself in the best way that he can. An artist basically thrives on self expression; an artist is one who is not afraid to step out of that imaginary box and shake things up a little bit.

If there is one thing I learned from this whole “artist sort of lifestyle” is that nothing is really set in stone. You may have an idea of how you want something to be, but more often then not there will be some problems, some unexpected and sometimes unfortunate problems, so you have to learn to adapt. You see, I have this sort of general idea of what I want (although sometimes that isn’t even that clear) I do the best I can with what I have and hope that things will fall into place and they usually do.

You’ve probably heard the expression “You can’t rush art” many times before, well it is true, you can’t rush it, you have to let it flow; let it come to you in its own time. Things have to run their course, so be patient and might as well enjoy the ride, have a little bit of fun and creativity while you wait and just let everything flow and fall into place; make everything a learning experience and try to develop yourself further while waiting.

So yeah, that’s how I am and how I live my life, this is basically me in a nutshell: a free-flowing, free-spirited artist who may or may not have a clue as to what is going to happen to him in the future, but it’s alright, what’s life with out a little adventure. There you have it; this is me, CJ Francisco, the artist. … I’d say more, but there’s a limit as to how long it’s supposed to be.

Yesterday, I don't remember when exactly, but when the thought of having a live animal in the creative shot crossed my mind I immediately thought of a mouse. I don't know why, but ever since then I wanted to get a white mouse right away.

So the entire day I was thinking whether or not I was going to Wilson that afternoon and find a pet store. The day seemed to crawl. I guess that was supposed to be an indicator that I should think about it more. But oh well.

Mentoring finished and Jan taught me for a bit, then at around 3:50 I left Xavier and was on my way to that pet store in WIlson. When I arrived there though I found out that they only sold fish. The lady in the store said that they sell mice in Tiendesitas, but I thought that was too far, well I thought that maybe I could go, it would be the first time I would be going there, so it would be an adventure. But then again on my way to Greenhills, I decided that I'd just go to SM since they do have it all.

I walked from Unimart all the way to the MRT Annapolis station and then took the train. Apparently the trains are already jam packed at 4:45pm. When I arrived at SM I went to the bathroom and then went down not knowing where Bioresearch was, I was texting Stacey and well I ended up right in front of the store. Apparently when you're oblivious to your surroundings, at one point or another you'll end up in where you want to be in. However, I was disappointed to know that they didn't have anymore white mice. Apparently they ran out. So I headed to Robinson's.

I found the pet store called Hobbyist Petshop on the 4th floor and I was glad to know that they do have white mice. I bought it and I bought a cage and everything. I thought that I would love it and have an awesome time with it. I named the mouse Horowitz by the way. I forgot to get the receipt ... so I'm not sure if I can return it anymore, I'm going to call them up tomorrow and see what I can do) ... I sorta don't want her anymore ... well more cause she doesn't seem happy with me ... so ...

Okay so here's what I learned today. When deciding to get a pet, make sure its something uber cute like a rabbit or puppy. Make sure you get a receipt. SM and Robinson's can be commuted to in less than 30 minutes plus walking time. I also learned that impulsive buying ... well sucks ... you have to think about it ... especially if what you're buying is alive.